Must be a blue moon... Because I'm updating.

today i don't feel like using proper capitalization. mostly because it's like 3am and this is just a rant of stream of consciousness so my thoughts will stop racing so I can sleep.

More and more recently it has become more and more clear to me that you can't please everyone. No matter what, 2 people always want you with them. And unless those two people are in the same place, as humans, we have a slight problem. God did not give us the gift of omnipresence, but I wish He had. Between friends and family, I feel like I never have time to breathe. I love them all and would not change anything about the sense of busyness they cause in my life, but it's somewhat tiring sometimes. I cannot be everywhere, but I wish I could. It was increasingly difficult this past week when all of my family was in town. Seeing as my parents are divorced and remarried, I had a lot of people who cared enough about me to come and see me graduate. It was a blast, but sometimes it got so difficult. Between spending time with my mom's family, my dad's family, and my friends it just seemed like I got about 12 hours of sleep that entire week (and that's probably not a far shot from the truth). I feel like I belong in that movie where if the guy stops darting around everywhere, he'll die. I can say I've done one smart thing though. I have decided not to pick up anymore hours at my job this summer despite my mass amount of free time. I'll probably regret this decision in the fall when I'm just another broke college student, but I don't really care. I want to enjoy this time with my friends and family. I have several friends at work, but I don't want to spend most of my time there. I think it's a completely logical thing to do, even though I do quite enjoy my job {most of the time}.

But moving on from how I'm terrible at time management, to how I hate when my friends are sad.
I can't handle sadness. I wasn't built for it. I was built strictly to be happy. Being anything less than perfectly content with my life instantly drains me of all emotion and energy. Today {or yesterday. whatever} was a fantastic day with the exception of it seemed like almost all my friends were sad or depressed about something. I mostly hate the feeling because no matter if I try and make them laugh, or even if I succeed, it is ultimately not up to me how they feel and I can't change it, no matter how hard I try. And believe me, I try. Nothing breaks my heart and crushes it into tinier pieces than the ones I love being sad. They're my life, and when my life is sad I get sad. I'm powerless, utterly powerless, and I think that is what depresses me most. I desperately hate not being in control, but I hate having to make decisions. I am a bucket of contradictions, but I'm ok with that.... I think. I think that I need a few good days of sleep. Or at least one. There is still so much stress on me right now. I just want to be stress free. I want to relax and have fun. But I have to constantly remind myself that what I want doesn't matter and that God laughs when I try to tell Him what I want and what my plans are. When I read back over this I'll probably laugh at the incoherent babble and utter stream of consciousness thoughts. I think it's time for me to sleep, even though it probably won't be good sleep because my entire body is in knots and my thoughts, although they're slow and sleepy, are still going through my head. But my computer is dying {technically, we all are. We begin our journey to death the second we are born. Depressing thought but it's true.}, and my dogs are asleep. Goodness I hope God gives me strength and patience, because I need it. A hug wouldn't be too shabby either. :/ But anyway goodnight to the internet. Because no one else will ever read this crap anyway.

Tears... Goodbye to the Panic At The Disco we all know

I'm sure by now everyone has probably heard the news.

Panic At The Disco (as we all have known it for the past 4 or 5 years) is splitting in half, moving in different directions...

I cannot express how truly sad I am this happened. It makes me so sad. I've been a fan since the beginning. I love every song, even though some more than others, that they have ever made. Covers included.
I just don't understand... I feel kind of ditched. Like the guys just quit on us. It makes me mad. I want to go and smack them all and scream, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE????? WHY? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU ARE LETTING DOWN? I bought your albums, your posters, my friends invested in other stuff for me. AND YOU DITCHED US. WHAT. THE. HELL???

Sorry, that was my rant. All things considered, I still love all the Panic guys (Although, I love Brendon in a "OMG. Someday I want to marry you and live happily ever after. Will you be my prince?" Sort of way, but the other guys of Panic are pretty much awesome.)
I wish Jon and Ryan the best of luck on their new venture, and I'm looking forward to having some new music to listen to. However, if you think things aren't working out, feel free to rejoin Brendon and Spencer. ;)
That being mentioned, I'm glad that Brendon and Spencer have decided to continue doing Panic At The Disco. That way at least my shirts won't be a total waste. After the next album, I forsee myself doing some major redoing of my room (Due to the fact I have many PATD posters.) Although, there are 2 posters that will never be removed: The Rolling Stones poster and the one my friend got me from Hot Topic. I'll miss Panic as we know it, but, hey, there is new Panic being made! Pete Wentz has said so on his Twitter, and the security guard of Panic also said that everyone is happy and doing what they want and that all of the music is awesome. So that gives me hope.

Ok, all this sadness aside. I'm going to give my favorite Panic At The Disco songs from 2004-present:

Ok, so I've never thought about it before, and I don't know my all time favorite Panic song. I could tell you my favorite Fall Out Boy song quick; but with Panic I don't know.... So the last song on the list will be what I have decided is my favorite. Here we go:

• "Mad As Rabbits": This is one of the best ones. Everyone sings, and they just seem to have a ton of fun playing it live. I also love it b/c it's original, and there's nothing else like it.
• "But It's Better If You Do": The simple fact is that this song is just pretty awesome. I don't even know how else to describe it... Everything about this song is perfect. The vocals, the music, the drums, the piano.... The lyrics. It's just fantastic. I love it all. And not to mention the video is awesome... ;)
• "Folkin' Around": How many alternative rock bands can make a country-ish song? Not many. How many can do it well? One. That is Panic at the Disco. Moving on.
• "Time To Dance": This is mine and my friend Caroline's (Blog: Carolina Rain) jam! We have a dance to it. It's based on the book Invisible Monsters, which I plan on reading soon.
• "There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet": This song will give you a self-esteem boost. It's awesome. "Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? I've never looked better and you can't stand it!" Awesome.
• "I Write Sins Not Tragedies": It's their first hit. That tells you it's awesome. :)
• "Northern Downpour": It's beautiful. Very relaxing. I love it. Listen to it. It will make you want to sleep.
• "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off": This song is so sexy. The lyrics, the vocals, the music. Very hot. ;)
• "When The Day Met The Night": An epic love story. A weird love story, but an epic one. :) Makes you think when the sun goes down and it's kind of dark but still light. In the middle of Summer it's a great song to listen to.. ;)
• "Camisado": It's an awesome song. I could listen to it over and over again. And I will. haha. It happens quite frequently.
• "Nine In The Afternoon": This song is so wonderful. It's happy, it's summery and it never gets old. I will always love it. The video for this is also my favorite PATD video! :D
  

And now for the finale of favorites!
"The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage": This was the first Panic song I ever heard. Ever. On the Sirius radio. I saw the artist and I thought it was the song title. "I was like, 'Panic at the Disco? what kind of song name is that? Sounds danceable." Then MY FATHER, yes my dad, explained that it was the band name not the song. We rewinded the radio and listened to the song again. The next thing I remember, I was watching videos on MTV a couple days later and there was the "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" video and I go, HEY! THAT'S THAT BAND! But, hey! That's a different song. I like it! From then on, I vowed to own the Panic At The Disco album. A few days later, I did. We listened to it all the home on my long car trip and I knew that I was hooked.

and now there's a surprise..... A tie for first!
"That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)": Like the title of my blog? Listen to this song. The words spill unfound from a pretty mouth. :D This song is absolutely awesome. It's relaxing, and encouraging and it's just about life and it's amazing. I love it. It will always be one of my favorite songs. :)

Ok. This is pretty much the last list, and the video favorites. (Least to most favorite)
7. "Build God Then We'll Talk"
6. "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"
5. "Northern Downpour"
4. "That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)"
3. "Mad As Rabbits"
2. "I Write Sins Not Tragedies"
1. "Nine In The Afternoon"

I have some unanswered questions: Will the new album be Panic as we've known it until now? Will there be a farewell tour? What happened that caused all this so out of the blue? There wasn't a fight was there?

Ok, that's all. I know it's a long update but I have a lot on my mind about this.
I love Panic At The Disco. I will always love Panic At The Disco. I'm interested to see how this whole announcement plays out and to get some answers to my questions.

As the wise security guard of Panic At The Disco has said, "It's like your parents getting divorced. It sucks at first, but eventualy it's TWO CHRISTMASES AND TWO PARTIES." I agree. I have experience about that. It's very true.

I love Panic. Always will. Diehard forever. <3 :)

it's early and it's been a while.

Hey all. this blog could be long or short depending on how much longer my eyes can take staring at this screen. Some random updates since my January something-th update...

It was Caroline's birthday. :) She turned 17!! Check out her blog "~Carolina Rain~" :)

It was Valentine's day. I celebrated with friends and family. Who needs a guy, right?

Obama passed a massive stimulus bill. I didn't even know there was a number that big, but whatever. (I really do care more that this is a big deal and it's crazy, but I'm sleepy, ok?)

I've done just about every "Random Facts about me" note on facebook that's been circulating lately.

Fall Out Boy released a video game similar to Oregon trail. It's fun. It's Hard. You Can't get to the end. (That's what she said)

Holly's birthday was not too long ago! She is also 17 now! Congrats.

I've gone shopping, big news there... uh.... the school year is almost over and spring break is next week!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got The Little Mermaid on DVD!
The Little Mermaid DID NOT win best live musical soundtrack.
Pretty. Odd. DID NOT win a Grammy for best special edition box set. Oh whatever, PATD guys. You win an AshLee award for best special edition box set.
When doing a forward type note on facebook, I discovered if you type "AshLee needs" in google.com everything that comes up is related to *drumroll* Ashlee Simpson. *gag*
There was a music video for "America's Suitehearts". AMERICAN IDOL HAS BEGUN!! ADAM LAMBERT FOR THE WIN!!!!!!

Oh, there are supposedly pictures of Mr. Lambert making out with a dude floatin around. he's emo. give him a break. Emo guys do that, it doesn't always mean they're gay. I don't know why they do that, but they do. (Not to be totally steriotypical or anything.) Geez people. So what if he LOVES Twilight and has perfect skin. HE'S NOT GAY!

Chris Brown beat up Rihanna. So many rumors surrounding that whole situation.
The Cab covered Rihanna. "Disturbia".
My favorite sunglasses broke AGAIN and something is wrong with my brand new remote for my speakers. Bleh.
Oh, and we got 7-12 inches of snow across the area. Crazy, right? Only in March here.

Ok. I can't take it anymore. I'm going to sleep. maybe I'll add more when I feel like I've got time.
Whatever that is..
NIGHT!!!

Tomorrow The USA is going to slowly start disappearing. I will still say "God Bless"

Tomorrow is a crazy day. Not eager for it to happen. Let's just keep it today.
All there is to do is pray. God help us all.

Nothing really. Just had to take a stab at a star that I greatly dislike.

Ok. So I'm watching "That 70's Show" and a certain celebrity (who just so happpens to have a famous sister whose music I don't like) is on there. She just said something I though was funny.
Kelso: "The love we have is real."
Super secret celebrity: "Which is suprising b/c I told him that I used to have a different nose and be flat chested."

OMG!!! SO SHE AND HER SISTER DID ACTUALLY LOOK ALIKE AT SOME POINT!!!!
Ok, sorry. I couldn't resist it. I'm done now. I just couldn't resist. That was mean, I shouldn't have said that. Nevermind. That was mean. I apologize. :)

Welcome to 2009. **Caution: Changes ahead**

Welcome to the year of 09!!! I'd say 08 was a fantastic year. I came up with a few top 5 lists in my opinion. Enjoy!

**Top 5 Bands of 2008**
5. Paramore
4. Gym Class Heroes
3. Cobra Starship
2. The Cab
1. -TIE- Fall Out Boy and Panic At The Disco.

I'm not going to do a top albums b/c all of which would belong to the above bands with the exclusion of Paramore. You can guess what they were by doing a quick browse of iTunes

**Top 5 Worst Commercials of 2008**
5. Space Bags commercials- OK. I am so sick of hearing about how fantastic and space saving these overly glorified garbage bags are. We get it. They save space. OR instead of spending 100 bucks on these things, why don't you throw some of the crap you don't use/wear out? That's save even more space!!
4. Weight loss commercials of any kind- Half the pictures on these commercials for the "miracle diet pills" are fricken photoshopped. Dont' tell me if I give you 95 bucks (WHICH CAN BE PAYED OUT OF A 3 MONTH TIME SPAN!! YIPPEE!! *eye roll*) for this miracle diet pill I will be able to still eat all the cookies and Twix and Resee's and drink all the Dr. Pepper I want and lose all the weight I'd like. I don't need your diet pill. I need to quit eating all the junk food and Wendy's triple stacked Baconaters (which are soooooooo good), that's what I (and any other person who wants that pill) need to do; don't get lazier and rely on a pill. GO JOGGING. SHEESH. And that nutrisystem crap. I'd bet my left toe that stuff tastes like cardboard. I don't care what you say Valerie Bertenelli. I also wouldn't ever chew on that "chocolate cake" that looks like a pile of crap. NO I HAVE NOT CALLED JENNY YET AND I WON'T. Ok. Done. with that.
3. Viagra, Cialas and Extenze commercials- I really don't even need to explain the hatred. I think you get it.
2. I don't know if you remember these but I'll give it a shot... There's this commercial where a man is dressed as a pig. He has ear make up and a fake pig nose and everything. He is creepy. I hate him. He looks like a child predator/sex offender. No Mr. Piggy Bank Man, I do not want you to help me save my money; please leave me alone so I don't need to get restraining order. **I only remembered this b/c I saw a billboard in Arkansas and I freaked out. He is what nightmares are made of.**
1. All the raunchy commercials- Especially the new Arby's one. UGH. Everything is raunchy now. I still don't get how two people jumping off of a bridge in their underwear makes me want to buy Levi jeans. There are two problems with that commercial: 1. the dude is not hot. If I'm strippin down to my underwear to jump into cold water off a bridge (in real life or for money in a commercial) the dude better either be Brendon Urie/Pete Wentz or looks just like him. 2.It's stupid. The point is to show the jeans. I get the whole fact they're button fly adds to dramatic effect but really? How about the other one where the couple goes up the stairs into the strangers' apartment. That does not make me want to buy jeans. It makes me remember to lock my doors at night and when I leave b/c I don't want strange people having sex in my house while I'm gone. The Axe commercials are bad, too. Just b/c you smell good DOES NOT mean girls will "pounce" on you left and right. Believe me, the guys at my school might smell good sometimes, but they do not LOOK good or have a good personality. Therefore no amount of Axe or any other cologne could make me want any of them. The only semi raunchy commercial I approve of is the one of David Cook playing Guitar Hero in his underwear. That I'm cool with.

And there is not a number for the absolute worst. The one with the talking thumbs for the "How do you say 'LOL'?" Campaign. There are so many things wrong with that commercial. It's just awful. I hate it. Terribly.

OK!!!! Now for the top 5 best parts of my life this year.
5. All the great music. FOB, PATD, Cobra Starship, The Cab, Tyga, David Cook; it was a pretty good year for music with the exception of songs such as "I Kissed A Girl" and anything and everything by Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers.
4. The few movies I actually watched this year were awesome. Such as "The Dark Knight" and "Hancock" and I guess "Twilight". And "Role Models".
3.Getting a car and finally being able to drive.
2. Going to St. Jude. It's always awesome. It's great. I love that place.
1. All the great memories I made with my friends/family. I love my friends. They're awesome. My family is amazing too. I was truely blessed when I got them. I can't believe they actually tolerate me (most of the time.)

Ok, now for my resolutions and a change.
**My Resolutions (in no particular order)**
1. Find one or two more bands I like to listen to- PATD and FOB will always be my main boys, but I love finding new music.
2. Making more memories with my bestest buddies- More inside jokes and more laughter. Gotta see if it's possible.
3. Having more fun and not being as uptight and being more outgoing/self-confident- I'm talkin on many levels here. I need to loosen up. I'm kinda uptight. I'm not talking become a delinquent or a wild child, just havin more fun.
4. Do more stupid stuff- I'm thinkging things like Jackass stunts (only not as gay/dangerous)
5. Being more organized and not procrastinating- My grades are startin to suffer. Not bad, but it's still not good.
6. Exercise more- Spring Break/Summer Break, here I come.
7. Finally deciding on what college I'm going to.
8. Passing the AP US History exam- That's a streach, since I can't write an FRQ or a DBQ to save my life.
9. See Panic At The Disco LIVE!!!!- I've loved them for like, 5 years. And still no concert. Never been in Memphis. COME ON GUYS!!!!!!!!! We "redneck" fans want to see your goregeous selves in person. COME. ON. I ain't drivin to St. Louis or Mississippi. Bring some of your wonderful talent/culture to this town that only knows about Country Music and "The King".
10. See Fall Out Boy LIVE AGAIN!!!!!- Patrick sounds good live, Joe spins a lot live, Pete jumps (and he is waaaaaaayyyyyyy hotter in person), and Andy's drumming skills are outrageous. COME BACK!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! One of my main goals in life is to see FOB and PATD on tour together again. I MUST hear "20 Dollar Nosebleed" live, with both Mr. Urie and Mr. Stump singing together. Onstage. Live. And that song just came on shuffle as I type this. Omen, maybe? I hope.
11. Watch more new movies- I watched very few in 08. I have a small attention span when it comes to movies. I either have to be laughing really hard, wondering when the axe murder in gonna hack someone into tiny pieces, or singing along to the songs.

You only go through school once, I'm almost done and this is pretty much my last year that I'll be spending any major holidays as a high school student. It's a very crazy thought. Sad almost, b/c I hate change for the most part and change is coming soon. But also happy b/c it's time for a fresh start in life.

Ok, now that all that is over, there will be a new blog layout coming hopefully within the hour. What it will be I'm not sure, but with a new year there must be a new layout!!!!
Well, enjoy my long rambling. :) Hope you like the new layout (if it's up when you're reading it).

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! I HATE when people say "Happy Holidays" ticks me off.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!
Today (or yesterday) I opened presents from mi madre, mi padrastro, and mi hermanastra.
Yeah, that's right, I've got mad Spanish skillz. Anyway.

I got gift cards to some of my favorite stores such as Aero, Claire's and Maurice's and cold, hard $$. I also received Guitar Hero 2. FUN FUN. Headphones are also on the list. As well as make up bags, an AWESOME scarf, an iPod case (which might just become obsolete in the offchance I got an iPod Touch from my father and stepmother), a really cool picture frame, a purse, pajamas, and the highlight of my Chrismas present opening *drum roll please*
A FALL OUT BOY CALENDAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am ecstatic. I've looked for one for years, and now I finally got one! This is definitely and FOB Christmas, with me getting the preorder and all.

Now it's time for Random Rants. This is a new and sporadic section that will pop up when I'm annoyed.
Rant #1: my 12 year old brother got an LG Dare and an iPod touch. This was supposed to be a LIGHT Christmas. SURE.
Rant #2: Online shopping. I found the cutest hoodie that I wanted so badly on aero.com. It was sold out. :( *cries*. And every other thing that I wanted was either not in my size or sold out. It's irritating.

Ok, well. that's all for this lovely Christmas holiday. I'm gonna get a shower so I'll be ready to depart tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow I'm going to have a L-O-N-G day. 8 hour car trip. Buckets of fun. Presents tomorrow night sometime around 11pm!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL. :) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.